This post is inspired by the contest at Debo Hobo Dot Com where you are supposed to write a letter to your younger self with advice on what you could do better in life. When I entered the contest I started thinking about all the decisions I’ve made through my life and how they have made me who I am today.
I got engaged and ran away from home when I was 17 and have been providing for myself since. At times I’ve even been providing for a man, and I’m still providing for some of my children.
I moved to Sweden when I was 18 and got married the same year too. Our dream was to move to Australia where my uncle lives. Today I’m happy we didn’t move.
I became a mother when I was 20 and was a mother of three at the age of 23.
I moved back to Finland at the age of 23, I guess I already then saw the ending of my marriage approaching, but I decided to work on it some more.
I got a divorce when I was 28 and I still can’t remember exactly what day it was, neither can I remember the exact date I got married. Some things are better to forget.
I met the man I thought was the love of my life a week after my divorce.
I built a house at the age of 30 because I wanted to have something I could call my own home. The love of my life had left me and got a baby with another woman. I said, “If you love something, set it free… If it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was yours….” The love of my life came back and I thought he was mine.
I got our baby at the age of 32 and the love of my life realized he wasn’t ready to become a father. He’s never seen his daughter even though we live pretty close and I see him almost every day.
I sold my house at the age of 39 because I wanted to change my life.
I met a man and moved in with him. I had known that man since we were teenagers. I didn’t know he had remained the same age all his life, so i moved out pretty quickly.
I wrote a book at the age of 40, a book only for me. When the book was ready and I closed it, I said to myself… this is me, this is my life and this is who I am. I don’t want to give away a single second of that life, because with all my faults and all my imperfections, and even though I guard my heart quite well today, I’m proud of who I am and what I have become…
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October 23rd, 2007 at 2:28 am
I’m glad you wrote this letter not really as advice for your younger self, but more as a recount of all your experiences, marking the lessons learned! Gorgeous colors for a pic, by the way!
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:49 am
That’s quite a letter.
I’m not sure of the day I got divorced, though I think it’s in February. I was surprised to find out, just the other day, that the ex and I have been separated/divorced for 4 years (doing the math I was able to sort out that sometime after this January I’ll have been divorced for three years).
October 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 am
Joanne, it is true that this isn’t really a letter. My entry in the contest is a little bit different. I quit hight school when I ran away from home and that is maybe the only thing I regret.
Delmer, it’s 18 years now since the divorce and I was the one wanting it, he resisted for whatever reason he had. He’s gotten married and divorced many times after that and resisted every time. Some people just are the way they are
4 years might seem like a lot of time, but it isn’t, and sometimes we need to forget something, at least for the moment, to be able to continue on our path. My reasons for forgeting is because he is the father of my 3 children and I want to respect him for that and not remember him as the man he was when we got our divorce.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:03 pm
I’ve learned to stop using phrases like ’soulmate’ and ‘love of my life’. When he left me, I romanticized our memories and made myself so much more miserable thinking that I had lost ‘the one’… but the reality was that he was just a broken, selfish, cheating coward. It’s amazing how much more clearly we can see things when we change our perspectives.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Antibarbie, I guess I should say that when I call him the ‘love of my life’ I am a little sarcastic. A man can hurt me and in a way I can still love him, but if he hurts one of my children there is no love left. This man has hurt our child by making her feel unwanted and that is something I have a hard time forgiving, and it isn’t even my task to forgive him, it’s hers…
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I admire you for your strength. *hugs*
October 23rd, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Thank you Marni *hugging back*
I sometimes admire my strength too, but then I realize that it isn’t really strength if you can’t admit when you need help and ask for that help too.
October 24th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I love your letter, instead of being bitter or pointing out what to avoid you celebrate who you are. My view of all the mistakes or horrors in life is that it makes who we become and if you like who you are how can you be bitter about what made you that way.
October 24th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Thank you jafabrit
Bitterness doesn’t really work. Being bitter is a waste of time because it doubles the misery… first you have to go through the bad situation and then later feel bitter about it. If you do that you will not leave enough time in your life to feel happy!
October 25th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
It is amazing how parallel our live are. I too was a very young mother at 19 and thought I met mister right a couple of times. I’ve never owned a home as I can’t sit still.
Thank you for writting your letter at my blog by the way.
October 25th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I’ve always said that it doesn’t matter how unusual or uniqe I think something that happened me is, there is always someone that’s gone through the same or almost the same thing.