It’s funny how time changes the way we see things, time changes the way we see people. It’s in the little things we do to each other, the little things we say.
I saw my last boyfriend today, the one I moved in with after selling my house. I was never deeply in love with him, he was more like a friend I had warm feelings for. At that time I thought it was a good thing, I didn’t want to be truly, madly, deeply in love again. He had gone through a couple of bad divorces and I had too, so I thought we would understand each other.
People warned me about him, they told me he was trouble. I didn’t listen because I had known him since we were teenagers and I wasn’t afraid of trouble. He was more trouble than I thought. I knew he liked his beer, but he had managed to hide how much. I knew he had been a member of a gang, I didn’t know he was still connected. He was the main caretaker of his sons from a previous marriage, so I thought he had settled down.
We dated for a year before I and my kids moved in with him and his kids. During the time we dated he managed to hide that he drank almost every day… or maybe I didn’t want to see it. It took me a couple of weeks to realize he had severe alcohol problems. It took me another couple of weeks to realize that he was still connected with the gang and he was proud of his best friend getting in and out from prison for drug dealing.
I was never afraid of him, he is a big man, and even though I’m short I was bigger than him. I wasn’t even afraid of him when he picked his magnum and started shooting frogs in his back yard. Strength is not in your body, strength is in your mind.
After the frog incident I got my own place and I haven’t seen him until today. He is still the same, he’s married again, got one more kid, but still drinks, he’s still immature and I suspect he still shoots frogs in his back yard.
The lesson learned is to have an open mind when you connect with people, but look at the small things they do and say. What you see might not be who they actually are, so wait and listen, take notice of what they say and also what they leave unsaid. Look at what they do, who they interact with and who they admire. And never be afraid of those that are bigger than you, be careful, but not afraid, you might have a stronger mind. Be afraid though, if you are a frog…
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October 25th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Shooting frogs with magnums, getting full of beer daily … it sounds so American (not ‘typical American’ just ’some Americans’).
It’s not exactly something I think of when I think of Finnish folks. (Even your atypical Finns.)
I guess people are the same all over.
October 25th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Delmer, one thing Finns knows how to do is drink and drink a lot. Very few even owns a magnum so that is unusual. But I guess no matter from where you are there will always be something some people have in common.
October 26th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
What you see might not be who they actually are, so wait and listen, take notice of what they say and also what they leave unsaid.
So very true. It’s so important when a person speaks to see not only what it is they are saying but whatever it is they are trying to hide. After all, some people don’t have a skeleton in the closet, some have a whole damn cemetery.
October 27th, 2007 at 8:17 am
sometimes what we see is not necesarily true…everybody has a soft side…