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Wedding AnniversaryIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
I come from family where men through generations haven’t been highly regarded. The man was a king in the family, but he was more like a modern royal than a traditional one, in the sense that he was a decoration to the family, but didn’t have much real power. A man might have had the power over the money, being the one who brought home the main income, but the woman had to always be prepared to get her own money if the man failed for some reason. Two of my grandparents had single, unmarried mothers and even though one might think being a single mother was both uncommon and shameful a hundred years ago, it wasn’t. It was hard growing up as a child to a single mother, because there were not the benefits we have today, but the women were usually able to work while taking care of a child. What I most often heard from both my mother and my grandmother was that you shouldn’t count on support or help from the man in your life and that men usually were just one more burden for you to handle. My grandmothers philosophy in life was that a woman should never trust a man for anything, a woman should always have a backup plan because the man might not show up when he was needed. My grandmother was an independent, hard-working woman who got married late in her life. She was 13 when she left her home and started to earn her own money. She didn’t have an education, because her father didn’t believe in educating women. Women should become wives, give birth to children and take care of a home, he said. We already had free basic education a hundred years ago, but no one could force the parents to let their children attend. My grandmother wanted at least to know how to read and write so she went to school anyway, without her fathers approval. Finland was the second country in the world to grant women the right to vote in year 1906. Finland was the first country in the world with female members of the parliament. A hundred years ago, in 1907, 19 women took up their places in the Parliament of Finland. My grandmother was born 1911, during a time when women started to understand that they had a saying, not only when it came to their own lives, but also when it came to how the Finnish autonomy was run. Our lives does not evolve in a vacuum. What happens in the world around will always affect us and what we believe in. The people we interact with will be one building-block of what type of life we will have. My grandmothers view on men was formed based on the men she had interacted with through her life, and her views on women was based on what happened to women in her country at that time. She passed her views on to my mother, who passed them on to me. A year ago today, my oldest daughter decided to share her life with a man in marriage. When I look back at the wedding, and all the hopes and dreams my daughter have for her life, I truly hope I haven’t passed on too much of my grandmother’s views on men to my daughter. I hope she will be able to trust her husband to be there when she needs him. My daughter hasn’t been living in a vacuum. I know that even though I’ve tried not to, some of my heritage from my grandmother have been passed on to my children. My daughter’s own father has not been a good example of what a man can be, and she’s got some bad experiences with previous boy-friends too. My son-in-law’s got a lot working against him. Hopefully he will be strong enough to show my girl that men are decent people. Related posts6 comments to Wedding Anniversary |
 
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November 25th, 2007 at 3:50 am
There’s a lot to think about in this post, even for a man. Or maybe I should say, especially for a man. I think your daughter is lucky to have a grandmother willing to set an example for her female descendants to guide their lives by. And she’s also lucky to have a mother like you to keep that legacy alive.
Thanks for sharing this, Susie.
You are right that there is a lot of good in the legacy coming from my grandmother, but some of the things she said should be reevaluated. One of the things both my mother and I remember is her telling us that she never should have married. She thought that her life was a lot better before getting married and she regretted getting married and having kids. At the same time she loved both her husband and her kids, so she was sending mixed signals and made us believe that marriage is a necessary evil.
There are always good things in a legacy, things that are worth preserving and there are things that should be reevaluated and not passed on to the next generation.
November 25th, 2007 at 7:56 am
They look so happy! I have some new insight to absorb about you mama. You are one well perceiving mama.
They are happy together and I admire them for their courage and their ability to trust each other. Even though they got married a year ago their life together began a month ago when my daughter finally got her visa. They got married in Finland and I remember thinking, while my daughter was planning and preparing for the wedding, what if he doesn’t show up. My experience in life has been men that have bailed out in the last minute and I was sure my son-in-law wouldn’t show up. My daughter trusted him and worked hard preparing for the wedding, he showed up as he had promised and the wedding was so beautiful and special. I have learned a lot through them and hopefully I will be able to have that kind of trust one day.
November 25th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
What a beautiful photo. Wow, they look so much in love. I love your post. Your daughter is just beautiful! Thank you for your comments about my grandson and daughter-in-law coming here, I am going to go for it!
Thank you! She is a beautiful woman. Sometimes I’m just amazed of how beautiful all my 4 daughters are
November 26th, 2007 at 3:21 am
Oh my goodness. My common law husband/boyfriend looks just like your son in law. I am officially creeped out!
I always believed we all have a looka-a-like somewhere. Seems that my son-in-law and your boyfriend found theirs
November 26th, 2007 at 8:00 am
She looks happy and that’s important. All your grandmother’s teachings might go through deaf ears at this point. I think that’s how kids are now-a-days anyway. The learn the hard way.
But for your daughter’s sake, she looks darn happy to me. It’s a lovely picture.
She is happy! I haven’t been able to talk to her much after the move, but every time I so talk to her she’s got a lot to do getting their home ready for the baby.
November 27th, 2007 at 4:57 am
All the best to both of them. They both look so happy. There is only so much of life’s lessons we can pass on to our children. The rest, they have to learn by themselves.
Thank you, Marni! You are right, we can’t and will not pass on all our life lessons to our children. And we can only hope we will pass on the good stuff and leave the bad behind