When asked what I’m looking for in a relationship, I almost always answer I want love and friendship. I’ve noticed that I’m not alone wanting love and friendship and I’ve been pretty pleased with my answer. When I wrote today’s meme, I suddenly felt something was wrong with that answer. I’ve got a lot of male friends and even though I value our friendship a lot, I couldn’t think of being in a relationship with any of them. When I think about it, what I really want from a relationship is passion and excitement. Friendship is still important, but I’m easy to make friends with and there are very few people I couldn’t form a friendship with. There are though, very few men that make me excited.
How come it’s so difficult to admit to wanting passion and excitement in life? Are we afraid of passion? Or maybe we’ve misunderstood what passion is? I don’t think passion is the same as sex. That would be too easy… for me passion is something more. I have had passion in my life before and it didn’t end that well. Might be that I think you can only feel passion once in your life and when it’s gone you have to settle with friendship. Might be that once burned I’m a little afraid of the fire and want to protect myself. Might also be that I just haven’t happened on someone who could light that fire in my life once again.
What do you think passion is? And do you think it’s possible to have both passion and friendship in a relationship?
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November 27th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
i do think it’s possible to have both passion and friendship. i have that with my husband. he is my best friend. and…i’m passionately in love with him(most of the time). the passion is not just about the sex…it’s about how we are together. we fight with a passion, we talk with a passion…it just is. and…it’s great.
Thanks Melissa, for giving me hope
and congratulations on having both friendship and passion in your marriage!
November 28th, 2007 at 7:23 am
From a man’s prospective, it’s a matter of displaying the right affection at the right time. There’s a time to be passionate and a time to be a friend.
When I come home from work I want to be a friend because it’s what my wife expects. She’s does not have adult conversation all day so when I get home we talk.
Passion cames at the right moment at the right time. It’s not forced. It should come natural.
So yes, you can have passion and friendship in a relationship. You just have to know when to turn one on and the other off.
You do that by listening and paying attention.
Rolando’s last blog post..My Birth Month Says…
You have a good point here. I too believe different situations requires different approaches.
November 28th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
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November 28th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
I think you’re right that being burned before makes you fearful. All your “mights” are probably true. But I also think it’s important to believe that you can have both passion and friendship. It does exist and can for you. In the meantime, the best thing you can do for yourself is find things that make you happy!
I got burned many years ago, so one might think I would have gotten over it already… and in a way I guess I have too. Doing things in life that makes us happy is good advice and something we should do whether we are in a relationship or not.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
You know you got me thinking about this after I read your two thing meme…and I have to admit you are right. I too have a ton of male friends…yet they don’t have that passion that would make them more attractive to me…food for thought…I’m gonna go chew on it for while.
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..Love falling
Many of my male friends are happily married and out of the question for that reason alone, but even if they weren’t married I doubt I would feel romantically for them. I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts when you chewed for a while
November 29th, 2007 at 7:04 am
you need one to have the other no?
Hope’s last blog post..It’s about THAT.
Hope, I’m not sure I understood you correctly, but in your few words I read that you mean we need friendship to be able to form passion
That is an interesting thought and maybe that’s what’s been lacking in my previous relationships.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Don’t be so sure that passion can’t come out of a beautiful, stable friendship. Passion has its ebb and flow. You won’t want excitement and passion when you’re standing by a hospital bed looking at someone you love dying, or when the school calls to tell you your child is in trouble, or when you get fired from a job and you come home to that person who loves you utterly but is as stable and strong as the day is long.
Might want to rethink what you want. I don’t think excitement and passion are the two main things, above all, that make your heart sing. But if you don’t seek them first, you will have plenty of passion and excitement amongst other more important and satisfying things- such as faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, warmth, eyes that tell you they love you forever- and you know tthey mean it.
I’m not sure at all, you might be right. The thing is, I’ve been dealing with all the things you have listed above, alone without a partner. I’ve even dealt with a couple of horrible days when I was sure my child was dead and I didn’t know where the body was. I have had friends around me to help and support at times, but there have also been many moment’s I haven’t had anyone supporting me at all. I don’t regret not having someone with me when life has been tough, but I do regret not have someone by my side in my happy moments. Hard times can be tough to deal with alone, but we manage one way or another. Happiness isn’t as happy when you are alone, happiness is happier in company.
November 29th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I think while both passion and friendship are important, the friendship part is more important since passion eventually dies off a bit and while it can be rekindled, there are so many highs and lows with passion that it’s important that a relationship have something else to sustain it.
AntiBarbie’s last blog post..QOTW - What Makes You a Good Friend?
I’m not sure I mean the same thing with passion as you do. For me passion and excitement is a way of living. It’s the way I feel about things that are important for me. I’m passionate and excited about my art and my photography, and even though there are days I don’t feel like painting or photographing, the passion is still there, and that passion gives me the courage to explore my art in a way I wouldn’t without passion. It is true that there are highs and lows with passion, and there also need to be something else to fall back on when life isn’t that passionate, I agree on that.
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Passion and deep, abiding friendship are both important and attainable elements in a relationship. The things we are passionate about are the things that mean the most to us…be it spirituality, art, rescuing animals, vegetarianism, family, family values, traveling, volunteer work, etc.
Whatever our passions may be, passions run deep. When we share them in a relationship it’s profoundly rewarding.
Sexual passion is also a vital element, yet I think underestimating the importance of sharing life passions in a relationship ultimately leads to unhappiness and discontent.
Blessings for passion and friendship upon you, MW
motherwintermoon’s last blog post..Remember
December 2nd, 2007
Thank you, Motherwintermoon for your wise words!